I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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