marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize