the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
