saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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