Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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