you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
