Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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