I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
