if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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