do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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