I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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