i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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