I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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