the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
