My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i think im in europe. pls send help
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