omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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