What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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