Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
