So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
