I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
