too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
