I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
where are my eyebrows?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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