he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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