I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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