On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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