last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
