so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
