I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
