Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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