Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
