I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
