There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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