If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
