pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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