U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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