that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
