I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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