sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
