doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
