I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize