he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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