Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
