I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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