I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
