you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
