I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
how drunk are you?
Several
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize