They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Im part way to drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
