I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
