Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
what day is it and did you see me today?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
