I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize