i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
