We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i now understand why vodka
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
