I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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