You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
