He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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