You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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