I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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