It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
