that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
