I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
