He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
