he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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