I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
