Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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