I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
