i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
