I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize