pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
