I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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