I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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